Hershey's with almonds

You've eaten the rest. You fat piece of shit.

ALL THAT'S LEFT IN THE GODDAMN VENDING MACHINE IS A FUCKING HERSHEY'S BAR?

REALLY?

JESUS, MAN!

Well, fear not my pudgy friend. Hershey's bars are more fun than scooters, fall and vacation combined!

Alfred Hitchcock invented Hershey's chocolate as a way to unwind after a month long cocaine binge. The chocolate was a healthier alternative to cocaine and hunting humans for sport (as Hitchcock was known to do in eastern Europe in the mid-1980's).

With investments from Michael Phelps and Gloria Estefan in 1421, the Hershey cooperation soared. Like eagles.

Scholar athletes all over America still consider the Hershey's Milk Chocolate With Almonds bar to be the greatest artistic achievement in mankind's long and scandalous history.

Eat one if you want to taste what helped George Lopez get a television show or the reason why standardized testing is prevalent all over this greatest nation of candies. Don't eat one if you have a nut allergy though. Unless you're trying to die. Then you can eat one assuming the death risk you are taking. Moron.