I am not a well-traveled man. I've only been 7 places, Detroit, Moscow, Under the Atlantic ocean, The Earth's Core, Alaska, Scott Baio's house and the Greater Boston Area.
In my limited travel experience I've often wondered, "WHAT DOT HEY BREATHE IN PITTSBURGH? SURELY IT CANNOT BE THE SAME OXYGEN I HAVE BEFORE ME? CAN IT? CAN IT POSSIBLY BE!?!?!?!"
From what I have heard from no one, in Pittsburgh they breathe Twizzlers and the streets are lined with Cat feces and pet rocks.
How does one breathe a Twizzler you ask? Why not ask Ben Roethlisberger? Oh, he's currently assaulting? Do you have any idea when he'll be back?
Twizzlers were created in 1327 as a way for French farmers to keep their daughters celibate and commit them to nunnerys. The idea often worked exactly as planned and this is why to this day there are still millions of French nuns.
Around the 1600's, King Louis XVII introduced them as a delicious meat substitute and they have been popular with skinny hipsters ever since.
Twizzlers, the flavor that lasts for seconds at a time!
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