Eating Ryan Gosling

There are some snacks that spoil your dinner.

Eating Ryan Gosling is more of a question of logistics than anything else.

Where should one start?

His piercing blue eyes? His perfectly messy hair? His beard that is to die for? Those juicy abs?

Ryan Gosling was created by the Mars Corporation as a way to market candy to women of all ages. Some would argue he's been too successful as a marketing tool. His perfect blend of sweet and salty skin, his chocolaty bone-bark? To die for.

Whenever I eat Ryan Gosling, I plan on skipping dinner. It would be foolish to assume one's appetite would desire anything more than Ryan Gosling. Once you've tasted Gosling, the thought of tacos for dinner seems preposterous.

I always start with the earlobes, an often overlooked (and perfectly symmetrical!) portion of Ryan Gosling. They are fleshy and ripe and often share a certain earthiness found in game animals.

I gurgle with Nyquil as a palate cleanser before I move on to Ryan Gosling's juicy thighs. They have a puffed crunch often associated with Nestle, but I feel truly perfected in Mars Corporation Presents: Ryan Gosling.

By the time I eat both thighs, I'm sweating and crying on the floor from sheer joy.

I know eating Ryan Gosling is controversial. Some critics have argued that one Ryan Gosling could feed the people of an impoverished village for days.

There's just something so decadent about Gosling. Knowing that it's wrong...it makes it oh so right...